Scotland Dots
Submitted by Donnie PickardClinton Banner, June 29, 1882
On June 15th I saw an article styled missionary, signed by John Hall, Now, to set the side out, and to clothe the missionary in his proper garb - he is an ignominious ignoramus. He can not read nor write, and does not know one book from another - though he can tell a falsehood. This seems to be his special mission. He loves sin, but hates righteousness: loves confusion, but hates peace is strictly opposed to the civil law and speaks evil of magistrates - as you can see in his article, set forth by his secretary, impeaching the courts; he spends many hours consulting Webster, to find an adjective to give bent to his feelings, contenting himself with the noun "farce."
I want it understood by the readers of The Banner, that any man that says this court is, or has ever been, a farce, is a liar. If the missionary was aggrieved at the court, he should have appealed to the higher courts. This missionary is a great war horse. He comes down, toots Buck's horn; rallies his forces, and comes on the villagers like the wolf on the field; curses the law and the court, because he can't be Buck himself. This is a mild description of the missionary - you can see he is a "whizzer."
There seems to be a man in the country that has taken the job of whitewashing the missionary, and he is a good workman; he handles sarcasm with dexterity, and is a fine painter but the peculiarity of his job renders it very difficult. His friends think he had better abandon the work, and retire in some obscure place and recuperate himself, now that the smoke of the missionary darkens the caricature - so that you cannot distinguish the work man from his job.
Will now close, hoping you will give the above space in your paper.
Yours respectfully,
D. J. McAlisters
June 27, 1882